


P.Cas. I Love You

by insominia



Series: I don't understand that reference [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Universe, Dean Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 00:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20462117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insominia/pseuds/insominia
Summary: Dean Winchester is not a man of words and declarations of love do not come easy to him.Castiel is an angel and is so assured of his place in Dean's life that he does not need such affirmations.This is what Castiel understands to be true.Until Dean goes away.





	P.Cas. I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Big shout out to mabscifiromantic for being a fantabulous beta and helping me out <3

Castiel was no stranger to romantic relationships. Granted, angels didn’t have them and if asked he would have said that his and Dean’s bond transcended a concept as mundane as ‘relationship’, but then he was an immortal, multi-dimensional being so he could be excused any offence this caused. But he had watched humanity from Adam’s first tentative steps in Eden and seen romances of every possible kind throughout the ages. That and he’d binged a  _ lot _ of Netflix.

It had always baffled him that humans seemed to need such reassurances that they were in love  _ while _ they were in love. Dean didn’t often express his love verbally, such declarations were beyond a rarity but Castiel did not need such assurances. Ever a man of action, Dean Winchester had a myriad of other ways in which he could demonstrate his feelings. And while those three little words never failed to bring a smile to Castiel’s face, a warmth to his chest, an undeniable flutter where his grace resided, they were surely unnecessary. He did not need them to know that Dean loved him.

That is what Castiel thought.

That is what Castiel believed.

Until Dean went away.

They had known it was going to be a long case. Sam had discovered a veritable pattern of abductions and killings that pointed to a vampire nest, but over such a wide area? Probably not just one nest. More like three. Maybe four. Possibly more. However many there were it was going to be a long trip. A few weeks at least. But after a month of hunting, Sam and Dean still didn’t know when they’d be able to head home. This was unfortunate. Castiel was needed at the bunker digging up lore on whatever new creature Claire had found to hunt. This was inconvenient. But it was downright insulting that the hunt had taken the brothers to the absolute ass end of nowhere where mobile signal was patchy at best and not even Sam ‘walking hotspot’ Winchester could find a stable internet connection.

So Dean couldn’t keep Castiel updated on the hunt as much as he’d like. So Castiel couldn’t listen to Dean bitch about being away for so long without even decent pie available to ease the strain. It was an annoyance but little more, for surely they were both still aware of the others feelings even if they couldn’t voice them or act on them. So thought Castiel.

At least until week five of Dean’s absence where he had finally,  _ finally _ found a motel with consistent enough signal that he could call Cas. An  _ actual _ phone call where their voices didn’t drop once. At that first breath of, “Hey Cas,” Castiel found himself melt, as though he had slipped into a warm bath and until that moment he probably hadn’t realised how much he missed having Dean beside him. 

He missed every part of him. The warmth of him when he leaned against the angel, the lingering scent of gasoline, leather and baked goods that seemed to cling to Dean regardless of how many times he showered, and of course, most of all, being able to talk to him. Dean wasn’t much of a talker, not about the important things anyway, so Castiel paid particular attention to the conversations they did have, even when it was just Dean rambling about whatever movie they might be watching at the time.

Tonight, Dean was happy to talk, well, complain. But then, there was much to complain about. Just how many vampires were there? And why couldn’t they just behead themselves and save Sam and Dean the job? Was Cas totally sure he couldn’t just leave Claire to it and head on up there? But yeah he knew that was a stupid question but he was just so done with it all, man. Felt like he’d never be clean again and though he’d packed for a few weeks he was having to burn way too many shirts just because they were beyond saving. Castiel listened until Dean ran out of things to talk about, savouring every word because they were  _ Dean’s _ words.

He hadn’t intended to blurt out, “I miss you,” while Dean was coming to the end of his many complaints regarding the motel they were staying at, but the feeling had started welling within him until it simply  _ had _ to find expression in reality and so Castiel said it. There was a moment where he fell silent, waiting, listening for Dean to say it back, possibly to follow it with, “I love you so much and every moment we spend apart is agony,” a sentiment Castiel had never considered reasonable until this very conversation had prompted it. Dean, of course, said no such thing. He cleared his throat and while there was a soft, “yeah. Me too,” it was quickly followed by, “what’re you up to?”

Castiel frowned but told him about Claire’s latest hunt regardless. They exchanged the usual frustrations that she wouldn’t just stay at home and leave it all be, but that was Claire and they’d both long given up fighting that particular battle. Of course, they couldn’t talk forever and eventually Castiel heard Sam calling in the background.

“I gotta go, dinner and...” Dean trailed off, his voice tinged with regret that they couldn’t just talk all night.

“I understand. Check-in soon, I worry.”

There was a sound that might have been a scoff but Castiel knew the man too well and if the positions were reversed Dean would be climbing the walls too. “’Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight Dean, I love you.”

It hadn’t occurred to him that Dean wouldn’t say it back. He made a small cough to cover his discomfort before he rasped, “yeah,” and ended the call, leaving Castiel listening to the silence, as though it might whisper that it loved him back.

Castiel was not impressed. In fact, he was annoyed. He might even be angry, an emotion that rarely found expression in angels who always had righteousness on their side. But he  _ was _ angry, it simmered just below the surface, as though it were present in his very skin and it seemed to boil over every time he caught sight of his phone.

Dean wasn’t one for words and was so often uncomfortable expressing his feelings, but even now? Even like this? Separated for the first time since they had started “dating.” When they had nothing else except a few stolen conversations whenever Dean found a town populous enough to warrant even the most basic mobile coverage.

Three days passed before Dean was able to call again and Castiel had managed to work himself into an emotional state he barely recognised in himself. There was anger of course, but there were other things. Frustration for one. Frustration with Dean for not just saying it, after all, it wasn’t like it wasn’t true. So why wouldn’t he just say it? Who was he trying to hide it from? This prompted an uglier emotion, one that it had taken Castiel a whole day to place. Insecurity. What if it wasn’t true anymore? What if the time away had made Dean realise that he didn’t need Castiel after all and his feelings had dimmed. It was unlikely, to say the least yet somehow no matter how many times Castiel told himself, firmly, that it was nonsense, the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach remained. At one point he’d even had the thought that maybe Dean had replaced the angel, after all, he was a renowned flirt and... _ and  _ such thoughts were ridiculous, bordering on insanity. There was no reason for Castiel to entertain them even for a moment and yet somehow, knowing that didn't help.

Hearing Dean’s voice was like a balm. It took the edge off all the apprehension of the last few days and the fact that Dean sounded more tired than anything else all Castiel wanted to do was bundle him into his arms and take him to bed. Maybe he’d run him a bath. The relief in Dean’s voice when he breathed, “think we’re closing in on the last of them. Two days drive up there though,” he sighed and Castiel could hear him running his hand over his face. “God I can’t wait to come home.”

“Me either,” Castiel said, warmly and it was gratifying, to say the least, to hear Dean smile, even if he couldn’t see it. “I miss you, Dean.”

“Hm, yeah I know. So what’s new?”

They didn’t talk for long, not least because Castiel wanted Dean to go and get some sleep, he sounded beyond wrecked. When he yawned loudly while telling Cas about the nest they’d cleared Castiel cut him off. “Dean, you’re tired. Go to bed.”

“No no, it’s fine, c’mon, we can-”

“Dean. Bed.”

“Fine,” Dean said with a weak chuckle, one that was interrupted with another yawn.

“I love you.”

“Hm, you too-”

“Can you just say it?” Castiel snapped without meaning to. The change in tone was so abrupt, he wasn’t surprised when Dean fell silent for a moment.

“Say what?”

“That you love me,” and Castiel had been a student of human speaking patterns to know that he was being blunt even by angelic standards.

Dean sighed, wearily but Castiel could hear it wasn’t directed at him, “you know I do, Cas. I’ll...I’ll be home soon, ok and...yeah. I’ll speak to you soon.”

When the tone went quiet again, Castiel let out a long exhale through the nose which managed to sound almost as frustrated as he felt. He had never missed his wings more than he did at that moment. Time was he could have just flown himself there in an instant, but then, right now that didn’t seem to be the problem. Dean still wouldn’t have said it, even if he’d shown up. There was no angelic solution to this issue. He had seen humans dealing with this kind of heartache though, so he fished out two pints of ice cream from the freezer and sat himself down in front of Netflix.

He was still sitting there twenty-seven hours later, having gone through an entire season and a half of something that he wasn’t entirely paying attention to when his phone buzzed somewhere beside him. He frowned at it, he'd expected Dean to have found somewhere to send out a text so he was confused to find an automated message telling him that his package had been delivered to the Lebanon post office via expedited shipping. He hadn’t ordered anything, but it was listed under the alias he used whenever he accompanied Sam and Dean into town. And seeing as even angels could  _ apparently _ feel sick after vegetating in front of the television with triple chocolate flavoured frozen dairy molecules, he made the short trip.

He recognised Dean’s handwriting on the postage label stuck to a parcel no bigger than a shoebox, but still, Castiel waited until he had gotten back to the bunker to open it. At first, he thought maybe the Winchesters had found something that needed to be returned to the bunker and hadn’t had the chance to tell him yet, after all, the tag pointed to it being sent as fast as the postal service allowed. However, the moment he opened it he saw that he’d been mistaken and he’d never been so glad for it.

There was a note tucked inside an envelope that no doubt Castiel was supposed to open first, but instead, he found himself going through the contents of the box, unable to quite stop grinning. There was a bundle of neon coloured tubes which upon closer inspection were revealed to be flavoured sugar. Dean had added a hastily written note around them claiming that Castiel should eat them straight up and not add them to coffee, they weren’t that kind of sugar, but hopefully, the ‘molecules’ might be fun. With a curious squint, Castiel tore an opening into a bright blue one, ‘Maui punch’ and allowed it to rest in his mouth. He immediately regretted it. It was disgustingly sour, but he couldn’t suppress a laugh when he realised that it was  _ actually _ sour, that it  _ had _ taste. Probably because it was the simplest food in creation. There were a handful of tourist style books on local legends and urban myths from some of the places Sam and Dean had passed through and a whole stack of bee-themed items. It seemed one of the towns specialised in apiculture. There was a jar of honey, which Castiel probably wouldn’t eat but was an obligatory purchase for somewhere that based its economy on beekeeping. There was a stack of postcards, all bearing stylised bees with truly awful puns; ‘ _ You won’t bee-lieve what I’ve seen,’ ‘Bee puns really sting,’ ‘I can’t help pollen in love with you,’ ‘There’s a lot of buzz about this place.’  _ Castiel rummaged through the box and smiled. These were not things that Dean had hastily thrown together in an attempt to placate Cas with a gift. These were things Dean had come across during his time away and gotten because he had been thinking of the angel every time he had seen something he’d like.

Ever a man of action indeed.

Eventually, Castiel turned his attention to the letter, wondering if his face could break from an excess of smiling.

‘ _ Cas- _

_ I was gonna give these to you when I got back, but think you need them now. It’s nothing special, but it made me think of you. Next time, Sam can stay behind and me and you will take care of business. New rule – no more long hunts. _

_ I’ll see you real soon, wish I could have posted myself. _

_ \- D _

_ P.S. You know I do, don’t you?’ _

Castiel’s jaw ached from the intensity of delight spread across his lips and there was a lightness in his chest he could only equate to elation given that it was unlikely he was suffering a cardiac arrest. He read and re-read the letter, a veritable novel considering it came from Dean and then he turned his attention back to the contents, taking a moment just to shoot off a quick text for whenever Dean happened to see it.

‘ _ I know. P.S. I love you too.’ _

  
  



End file.
